Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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