ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize