Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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