He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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