you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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