I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
