Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
