The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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