If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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