She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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