i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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