I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
