i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
