It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize