Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
