you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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