Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
