I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
