I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
