I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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