I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize