How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
