sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
