Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
