Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
