I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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