Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
