My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
