Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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