i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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