Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
