she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
