I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize