i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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