you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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