my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
