im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
