Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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