Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
