Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
