Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
