Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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