There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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