My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize