is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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