Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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