Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Holy sore nipples Batman
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
