saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
