I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
