Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
