I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize