I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
