i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
