Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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