we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
