My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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