so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
