I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
