This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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