Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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