Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
