I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
