you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
