Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The feeling are messing with the penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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