I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
