I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
