It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
